Revenge of the Sith

Come back soon when I'll review the final Star Wars film once I've seen it today.

ABC News: Saudi Prince Accused of Drug Smuggling Avoids Prosecution

ABC News: Saudi Prince Accused of Drug Smuggling Avoids Prosecution
My god. The US (and the Bush family) really knows how to pick its friends, don't it.

The Connecticut Post Online - News

The Connecticut Post Online - News

This story is interesting. Just imagine the scandal if this had happened in Britain. This sort of thing reaks of Banana Republic.

The General Election: my take...

Strange

Ah, the 2005 general election. An election where the turnout fell (if you strip out postal voting), the winner's share fell to as low as Simon Amstell's trousers and where the Tories somehow managed to gain 50 seats yet grew their share nationally by something like 0.5% (roughly the percentage of hairs on Paul Mccartney's head that are their real colour).

Strange indeed. So we now have a prime minister whom the 4th estate will be pushing out of office by rumour mongering alone and a Tory party seeking a fourth leader since Major (ah, currie shagging Mr Peas, doesn't it seem decades ago since he was PM? And it was only 1997!). I was saddened at the lack of progress from the Lib Dems but, you cannot forget that the swing to them was most probably shallow and temporary due to voters wanting merely to wag their fingers at Blair about Iraq than get close to allowing the yellow party to usurp the Tories as the official opposition.

Honest

My feeling is that the Lib Dems are at least honest. What party would not be honest whilst it pledges to add a layer of income tax for the top 1%? How credible and talented their MPs are in comparison I really don't know. It's a bit like Shaun Murphy winning the snooker World Championship, he didn't look like a world-beating professional sportsman but he turned out to be a record breaker. Is this how the Lib Dems may surprise us if they ever sniffed the Brasso of Number 10's knocker?

Majority reduced

But Blair has lost 100 seats and this means he cannot assume all legislation will fly throw the Commons any longer. Which can only be a good thing. And George Galloway is still an MP. And, by god, will he make full use of this fact!

I fully expect Blair to stay as party leader and PM until the European Constitution referendum (you'd forgotten about that tedious debate hadn't you) and then, regardless of the result, resign as party leader but stay as PM. Then, the new party leader is elected and Blair hands over the reigns probably as the next election hoves into view. This is my prediction based on virtually no evidence.

Good riddance

Good riddance, Howard, by the way. The man makes my food go cold as I watch his Gollumish face contort to a friendly grandfather's in trying to explain why every problem in the nation from immigration to MRSA boils down purely and simply to discipline and law and order. In other words, his facial "velvet glove" is trying to soften the iron fist he was attempting to apply to every area of government responsibility. Of course, pretty much all of his measures have no guarantees that they will make the slightest improvement in the country. But that's the Tories for you.

Now, when Israel bombs Iran, we'll see what happens and who is prime minister at the time. I only hope to god that, if Brown becomes PM, he doesn't lick cowboy arse quite as much as Blair.

Sky News : The Tough Battle To Get Into Britain

Sky News : The Tough Battle To Get Into Britain
Any Chance of the Tories shutting the hell up about this now?

Only once they lose the election, I suspect, and then move on to a new leader. Sheesh.

XML Feed

Incidentally, if no one's noticed, I've put a link to this blog's XML/RSS feed in my links to the right. So you don't have to remember to visit every time and can be spoonfed the stories I find, the stuff I write and the other things I put into the blog that most likely 0.000 people read. Hell, an average blog probably only gets the writer as its sole reader, so this ain't out of the ordinary. Though, I have noticed some hits coming from search engines (one for gay schoolboy stories!) that never really seem appropriate for what I'm doing here.

Still, I know Monkey75 has read it. Once. Or twice. So that makes this blog ABOVE average!

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

http://www.michaelmoore.com/words/index.php?id=2491

CNN.com - Berlusconi under pressure on Iraq - May 3, 2005

CNN.com - Berlusconi under pressure on Iraq - May 3, 2005
There was 90% popular opposition to Italy taking part and now it looks as if those in government are crumbling. Much like the coalition in general, with Hungary and Poland and Spain withdrawing.

Of course, it's highly likely that this sort of thing will only make headlines in the US if the British did the decent thing and pulled out in time for the end of the UN mandate. I think this would reduce violence and let Iraq settle down to itself. I only want a phased withdrawal but I think it has to happen.

Gallup: 50% of Americans Now Say Bush Deliberately Misled Them on WMDs

Gallup: 50% of Americans Now Say Bush Deliberately Misled Them on WMDs

And yet the fool was re-elected!

Go figure...

Proof Blair was told war could be ruled illegal

Proof Blair was told war could be ruled illegal
Blair didn't want to hear it.

Some scripts

Just posting some material from last month that didn't get performed in the end. I like them, though.


"Making Thinroads"

RACHEL HUNTER COMES ON STAGE.

HUNTER: Hello there, I'm Rachel Hunter and welcome to “Make me a Supermodel”. This is the show where young, thin, young, female, thin and...thin ladies compete for a lucrative modelling contract. We're going to be at least as strict as we would be in the real modelling world so watch out ladies! Ok, first up is Daisy.

A WIRE COATHANGER WITH A BLOUSE HANGING ON IT COMES ON STAGE. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THE COATHANGER IS HANGING FROM ITSELF BUT SOMEONE DOES HAVE TO CARRY/PUSH THIS ON.

HUNTER: OK, Daisy. Now you've been on a photo shoot with the rest of the girls and we've had a look at the results. I've got to say, the camera does seem to add a few pounds on to you. One too many cafe mochas, would that be?[PAUSE] Ah, the enigmatic type. Fine. Well, what I'd suggest if you really want to be a supermodel is watch that weight, get some discipline with what you eat and..for god's sake try to avoid the fate of so many hopefuls; of ending up as just another quick fix replacement car aerial.

LIGHTS OUT.

END.

Song spoof:

TO THE TUNE OF TONY CHRISTIE'S AMARILLO.

(Verse)
Went to get a new phone,
It's got that crazy frog ringtone,
I can play some games and,
Listen to songs by my fav'rite band,
I can email my mum,
I can text rude words,
But there's just one problem,
I think is so absurd,

(Chorus)
Show me the way the make a phone call,
The bloke in Carphone Warehouse knows fuck all,
Just wanna make a bloody phone call,
To sweet Marie who waits for me,
Show me the way the make a phone call,
Customer services made me bawl,
Crying cos I simply can't call,
My sweet Marie or anyone,
(MAYBE SHOUT “3G” WHEN MUSIC DOES THE BAH BAH AT THE END OF THE BELOW “LA LAS”)
Sha la la la la la la X3
How the hell does this thing work?

(Verse)
Look my phone is ringing,
That sweety chick is singing,
When I try to pick up,
I will always get the same hiccup
It can open tin cans,
Show my Horoscope,
But the flaw in this plan,
Makes me lose all hope,

(Chorus)
Show me the way the make a phone call,
The bloke in Carphone Warehouse knows fuck all,
Just wanna make a bloody phone call,
To sweet Marie who waits for me,
Show me the way the make a phone call,
Customer services made me bawl,
Crying cos I simply can't call,
My sweet Marie or anyone,

Sha la la la la la la X3
How the fuck does this thing work?
Sha la la la la la la X3
What's so great about 3G?
(End)


"The BBCheap"

V/O ANNOUNCER: and now on BBC 1, Strictly Dance Fever!

A BIT OF MUSIC AND THEN A MAN IN A BROWN OVERCOAT SHUFFLES ON STAGE, HE IS QUITE OLD. STRONG COCKNEY ACCENT.

MAN: Alright? Dave's the name. I knows you were probably wanting that glittery bloke off Channel 4 but we've had some cutbacks y'see. Thousands of jobs gone and they thought Mr..Mr Norton was a bit pricey. They got the freebees off 'im on Comic Relief, though, eh. Heh heh...Yeah, so this is Strictly Dance Fever. Like the set, eh? Bloody marvellous. Amazing what you can do with a used birthday card and a stuffed womble toy. Cor! Now we were gonna have 12 contestants on the show but we could only afford two. And they're me mates. Come on Smithy, you an'all, Sandra.

SMITHY AND SANDRA COME ON STAGE. THEY'RE PRETTY SKANKY.

MAN: Now these two are gonna compete to see who you like the best. Now we were gonna have a series of this shit but we thought, nah, no point, so we're gonna have 10 minutes dancing and then you lot vote on £2 a second premium rate number to vote for the best. Gotta pay for me taxi home, y'know.

THE STAGE LIGHTS FLICKER THEN GO OUT.

MAN: Oh, bloody 'ell! Anyone got shrapnel for the meter?

END.

MediaGuardian.co.uk | Broadcast | Row as BBC cuts Bafta speech

MediaGuardian.co.uk | Broadcast | Row as BBC cuts Bafta speech
Must say I was very pleased to see this excellent documentary win major TV awards. I am also not in the least bit surprised that this speech was cut entirely. But his point is entirely correct. When journalists, especially broadcast journalists, extrapolate consequences and expand ideas from slivers of fact that is when irresponsibility creeps in and we get a very warped message of the true threat to "the nation".

Why We Fight

Why We Fight
A superb documentary.

BBC NEWS | World | Europe | Pope John Paul II dies in Vatican

BBC NEWS World Europe Pope John Paul II dies in Vatican

A shining example of pure religious zeal

My assessment of the pope.

He was a shining example of pure religious zeal. And a marvellous example of the deep flaws the church has never really rooted out.

He naturally spoke out forcefully against atheist communism, but only once he was safely in Rome as Pope was anything more than an agitant.

Catholic doctrine rather than Christianity

He allowed the scandalous cover up of paedophile priests which cost the church money and incalculable damage to its reputation. He pushed Catholicism into Africa and (perhaps relative to its anti-contraception rule) witnessed the fastest spread of AIDS anywhere in the world in that wretched continent.

He did not so much stick rigidly to Christianity as to Catholic doctrine. The abortion, contraception, the unmarried/celibate priests, the anti-gay stuff, the canonisation of Mother Theresa (who didn't attempt to treat the sick, merely gave them a place to die - a commonly misunderstood fact) and other such highly objectionable stances were sourced from Catholicism in large part.

A man of peace

For my particular theological position, you can read it in the Anada archive and in Digital Spy (quick google search should do it). In short, I'm a fully paid up atheist.

That all said, he was, without question, a man of peace - although, his affect on the real world to establish peace cannot exactly be described as profound. During his time in office, more Catholic countries than ever before have been embroiled in wars (civil and cross-border) and turmoil (such as brutal dictatorships). Italy, itself, was wracked with corruption for at least a decade of his office but then we have Guatamala, Columbia, Ecuador, Panama, the Philipines, Argentina, Chile and so on all suffered despite the Pope's countless windowsill speeches.

But no, he was a man who passionately loved peace and sought to keep peace at the top of the world agenda - as do I (although, he had a bit more clout than I). He was a man who inspired his Catholic followers in clear ways but whether this was simply because he turned up rather than sipping wine in his golden palace is another matter.

What good did he do?

In the real world, and I think this is the only angle from which a non-Catholic can have any interest in judging him, I still have to ask what good did he actually do?

The sole answer I can conjure is in inspiring Solidarity in Poland. This was a Catholic-driven grass routes workers movement which formed just months after the new Pope's first visit to his homeland. It slowly reached a critical mass whilst the Polish communist government simultaneously withered and eventually, a bloodless handover of power from the communists to democracy (and a Solidarity government) took place. Now, this was good but how fundamental was Solidarity's (and, therefore, the Popes inspiration) existance to the tearing down of Poland's Red government? Had this happened out of the blue and in absolute isolation then I would have said "very". But, let's face it, Communism was doomed from the mid-80s and the Iron Curtain was due to fall anyway. Communism had eaten itself alive - the Communist (not Marxist) experiment had been shown to have a finite lifespan, more finite than even the West had guessed - and so Solidarity, it could be argued, was simply there to fill the vacuum. This in itself was good too, as many Eastern Bloc states did not have this comfy sofa of a back-up government to fall into, post-Communism. So for this, the Pope could rightly be given credit.

He was more Catholic than all the clergy put together and doubled

I am never one for eulogies of someone given simply because they are recently deceased. Just because they are dead, their faults and achievements survive still in equal measure.

One thing you cannot criticise him for is any kinks in his faith. The man was cut through with Catholicism. He was more Catholic than all the clergy put together and doubled. And in many ways he was the perfect example of a head of a church. Dedicated, passionate, intelligent, energetic and driven by faith and nothing else.

I have already outlined where this clashed with the real world but that is an argument not so much with the man as with the doctrine. He was not the first and he won't be the last to follow it so what I take issue with is the doctrine itself.

So I listen to many people spreading messages on radio such as "without John Paul II the map of Eastern Europe would be very different today" - nonsense. And we hear various representatives of other faiths paying their respects. Fine. And we hear hours and hours of coverage of this long expected event. I now look forward to seeing who the next Pope will be. Until then, what else is there to say?

New Torture Memo Implicates Top US General + Powell sort of apologises

New Torture Memo Implicates Top US General

Colin Powell only now feeling uneasy about the US's pre-war behaviour. Bit late, mate.

General suggesting techniques that, shock horror, we saw in US prison camps but yet he claims he never gave permission for them to be used. Hmmm.

FOXNews.com - Politics - Fifty-Nine Ex-U.S. Diplomats Oppose Bolton

FOXNews.com - Politics - Fifty-Nine Ex-U.S. Diplomats Oppose Bolton

It virtually goes without saying that this plea (as sensible as it is) will go unheeded. It's not like it's the first time a collective if experts has proclaimed abhorrence at a Bush policy or decision.

USATODAY.com - Bush approval slips to 45%, lowest of his presidency

USATODAY.com - Bush approval slips to 45%, lowest of his presidency

It took twice as long to get this unpopular in his first term. Hmmm...America regretting its decision?

BBC NEWS | World | South Asia | US to sell fighters to Pakistan

BBC NEWS World South Asia US to sell fighters to Pakistan
Of course, the US is not really selling them to Pakistan, it is buying them from the arms industry for Pakistan. The US is providing over $3bn dollars in aid to this dictatorship which has already wriggled out of blame for its top scientist providing nuclear technology to Iran.

In many ways it has echos with Iraq and Iran and how they were played by the US. Saddam was considered and ally and helped militarily. Then he turned bad. Admittedly, India is far from an enemy from the US but clearly has little respect from Bush, otherwise this decision may, at the very least, have been arrived at in consultation with them. Musharaf is a dictator, an ally and is recieving more in military aid than some countries' entire GDP.

I hope that this repetition of such a risky and purely pragmatic strategy does not end up in yet more blowback for the US and the world.

Like all dictatorships, we see plenty of this - for more detail you should click here.

Still, as with Saudi, Kuwait, Panama (in the 80s) and Uzbekistan, the US says good words but you can always tell a lot about someone by who their friends are. And what they do with people in Guantanamo Bay, of course.

Wow, I'm writing!!

I'm actually writing again! It just happened. I sat down and in two days I have about 6 sketches, which have already gone to the Treason Show. The script editor just invited me to send stuff to the Newsrevue as well, so we'll see where that takes me. I really love writing and it is ball crushingly frustrating when I can't get ideas flowing.

So, I'll put some of the better scripts up here once they've been picked out by the editors. Even if they don't get used (I'm up against something like 60 writers) then I'll still put the best ones up.

Bit stuck now for a sketch but I do wanna write something tonight. Better go, having a ding dong on Digital Spy forums with Monkey75 (what a pro-war card he is, very droll, but not so often with me, for some reason).

BBC NEWS | World | Middle East | Israel confirms settlement growth

BBC NEWS | World | Middle East | Israel confirms settlement growth

The simple truth is that if Israel had the slightest interest in peace where both sides win they would not be doing this. It's insanity of the most inexcusable kind.

BBC NEWS | Programmes | Panorama | Blair's case for war questioned

BBC NEWS | Programmes | Panorama | Blair's case for war questioned Stunned? Me? Not in the least...