I wrote this during David Blaine's stunt over the Thames. Theatre format. Please contact me to use this in any form.

A REPORTER is on stage. A MAN is standing next to him. He has a flatcap. The MAN has a broad yorkshire accent and is very perky.

REPORTER: So the feat of endurance attempted by David Blaine has begun. He is surviving on water alone suspended 40 feet above the Thames for 44 days and 44 nights. I have with me the man responsible for disposing of Mr Blaine's urine. [to MAN] Good afternoon.

MAN: Hello. [waving to audience/camera]Hello, mum! Hello, Amos, Billy and the dog!

REPORTER: Thank you sir, could I ask you a few questions?

MAN: Without doubt, son. The more the merrier.

REPORTER: David Blaine's urine. How often is he relieving himself?

MAN: Well, as this whole thing is one huge, massive pisstake, he's producing an awful lot. Taking the piss out of the whole of Channel Four and these thousands of spectators. So, as you can imagine, he's building up quite a reservoir!

REPORTER: And his urine is going where?

MAN: Last I heard, Carling was interested in setting up an Export range of lager. So, with David's future schemes, there should be plenty of piss coming. David will keep taking the piss out of everyone and Becks will supply the country its own piss back to it. That's capitalism.

REPORTER: I see. And what background do you have to be entrusted with this role of transporting Mr Blaine's pi - urine?

MAN: I used to breed the cats that supplied Babycham.

END.