OK, first script. This is a sketch I quite like. It's called Brain Food and was completed last year with stage performance in mind (although TV would work just as well). If you happen to be in a position to use this in any medium then please email me for permission.

An operating theatre. SURGEON and team are working on somebody’s head. The patient has a green sheet over his head. Tense/melodramatic music.

SURGEON: OK, so I think if we push that over there. Careful, now.

He removes a chunk of brain.

NURSE: Sir, is that not important?

SURGEON: Well yes, but only if you use it. It just controls his inhibitions. I’ve never seen him make any use of it….Now, just swab him a bit please. Right, time to go after what we're really looking for….Now if I just part it here…and slice here.

Music stops. SURGEON produces a penis from the head cavity.

SURGEON: Right! That’s got it. O.K. you can tell Miss Finnigan that Mr Madeley can go home tomorrow.

END